Zoey
They say that when you become a mother, there is no feeling like it in the world. I can personally attest to that fact.
When I look down into the sparkling blue eyes of my twelve-month-old daughter, Hailee, I know I would move heaven and earth for her. I would do absolutely anything for her.
Kill for her.
Die for her.
Walk over hot coals for her.
So why the fuck am I sitting here at three in the morning, holding Hailee as she cries, waiting for her asshole of a father to come home to us again?
This routine is all too familiar. Every time she cries, I hold out hope that Kyle will be here to dry her tears, to change her diaper. Hell, let me be the one to shower in peace. It’s so fucking hard when I’m raising this gorgeous child all on my own, and he is off doing some shit every night.
Kyle thinks I’m stupid.
He tells me that because he is growing his business, he needs to spend his time working at all hours. But you tell me, what construction worker works all day and into the night and is still out at three in the morning? Then comes home smelling of perfume and booze?
The kind who’s out cheating on his girlfriend, that’s who.
So yeah, he thinks I’m an idiot.
And maybe I am.
Because, for some reason, I sit around waiting for things to change.
Sniffling, a tear slowly falls down my cheek, and I shake my head while giving her a bottle I know I should be trying to ween her off of. But, honestly, it’s the last thing I’m focused on.
Kyle and I have known each other since high school—being high school sweethearts—is the only reason I have stayed this long. But the fact we have a daughter, and he still won’t commit to me, still won’t put a ring on my fingers, tells me everything. And I’ve overlooked it for far too long.
I’m wasting my time.
He’s no good for me…
… or, more importantly, for our daughter.
And I, one hundred percent, must do what’s best for her.
I’m drowning, and if I stay, I am going to take Hailee under with me.
That is unacceptable.
Placing my foot on the floor to steady it, I stand from the rocking chair. I pull in a deep breath as Hailee continues to scream her lungs out, then I walk over to my cell. Picking it up, I swipe the screen even though I know it is three in the morning—I have to do this before I lose my nerve again.
When I find my father’s number, I hit dial.
It rings a few times before he sleepily answers, “Zoey, sweetheart… it’s three in the morning…” there’s a small pause, then, “… is that Hailee screaming What’s going on?”
Holding back the sob threatening to escape, I walk back to the rocking chair and slump down. “D-dad…” my voice breaks.
“Oh, Zoey, I’m right here. Talk to me.”
Hailee begins to soothe, finally taking the bottle as if she can sense I’m calming down hearing my dad on the other end of the line. His peaceful tone gives me the strength I need. Maybe I should have called him sooner. “Kyle is out again, and Hailee won’t settle… I feel like I am drowning, Dad.” And I am. How can I be Hailee’s everything when I can’t keep my head above water?
He exhales a long, drawn-out sigh. “Want me and Mom to come over, help with Hailee until Kyle makes an appearance?”
I inhale a stuttered breath and nod even though he can’t see me. Then, with a heavy heart, I start talking, “I’d like you to come over, but not to help with Hailee. I want you to help me pack. I can’t do this anymore, Dad. I need your help. I want to make a life for Hailee and me. Kyle wants me to stay at home and be this supermom…” I pause, sniffling. “I love taking care of Hailee. I do, Dad. I swear I do. But I need more... I want to be out and working. I want to bring in money for us. I want to build a life for her. I want her to be proud of me, and right now, I’m a shell of a person being trodden all over by Kyle, and I’m the idiot letting him do it to me.” I let out a long breath, feeling relief the second I get all that out.
Dad sighs heavily and clears his throat. “Zoey, my darling girl… I have never been prouder of you than I am in this moment. Your mother and I have been watching you decline over these past few years with Kyle, and we hate how he treats you. But we knew you’d have to come to this decision on your own. So, baby girl, we will leave right now. We will bring the truck, and we will help you pack as much of yours and Hailee’s stuff as we can. Then I will come back and get the rest tomorrow. You can stay with us for as long as you need until you get back on your feet. And I know you will. You’ll find a great job, you’ll make a go of your business degree you started in college, and you’ll do great things, Zoey. I feel it in my bones.”
My heart floods with the love I am receiving from my father. He has always been my number-one supporter and my biggest champion. He’s always backed me, and even though I knew he hated Kyle the whole time, he still let me make my bad decisions because he knew it had to be a learning curve only I could complete.
And boy, have I learned something from this.
Just because you feel loyalty to someone doesn’t mean they’re loyal to you. And sticking something out because you think you should, doesn’t mean it is good for you.
“Dammit, Dad! I should have left sooner. I should have stayed in college, gotten my degree…” I take a deep breath. “I’ve fucked everything up, Dad.”
“You listen, and you listen good, baby girl. You made choices, and out of those choices, you received an incredible gift… an amazing little girl we all love and adore. It may not seem like it now with her restless like this, but Hailee will be the most amazing thing to come out of all this mess. You mark my words.”
I glance down at my daughter in my arms, her red face blotchy from her tears, and I feel her pain right along with her. “We’re gonna be okay, aren’t we, Dad?”
He chuckles down the line. “Zoey, if anyone can make a life for you and your daughter, it’s you.”
Straightening my shoulders, I nod with a newfound sense of purpose.
I can do this.
For me.
For Hailee.
Fuck Kyle and his bullshit treatment.
We deserve so much better.
“I’ll see you soon, Dad. I will start packing.”
“There’s my strong girl. Won’t take us long, honey. I love you, Zoey.”
“Love you, Dad… and thank you. Thank you for always being there.”
“See you soon.” He ends the call, and I place my cell on the chest of drawers, then run my finger along Hailee’s red, wet cheek. “Shh, Starshine. We’re gonna be okay, you and me. We don’t need your father to make it. I’m gonna take great care of you on my own. You’ll see.”
And as if she understands me, she instantly latches onto the bottle, her crying subsiding, and she calms right down, quietly sucking away on her bottle. I let out a relieved exhale and sniffle my tears away. “See, we’re gonna be just fine.”
And we will be.
I’ll make sure of it.
I’m going to feed my girl, then start packing, and if I know Kyle like I think I do, we’ll be packed and gone before he even gets home. We’ll be on our way to starting our new life before he realizes what he has lost.
Because he is the one losing here.
Taking this step is me choosing life.
A new life.
A better life.
A life for Hailee and me.
And I will grab it with both hands and make it the best life I can give her.
I won’t stop until I give her everything she deserves.
“It’s just you and me against the world, Starshine… just you and me against the world.”
